I've got 29 problems but a B---- ain't one.

It's my 29th birthday today and I'm sitting here drinking coffee made by my husband, and eating a cookie made by our neighbors - who literally came over to borrow a cup of sugar. Yes, I've managed to make friends since January, for which I am thrilled and grateful. But I've also managed to lose a friend, which though incredibly painful, is definitely for the best. This year, just like my horoscope said, I've had to set boundaries with people, and that friend crossed the line egregiously. I feel stronger not allowing people to treat me badly.

"Siblings or close relatives could become a source of strain, and you'll have to create firm boundaries."

My siblings - the unhappy products of modern-day parenting - have been in constant crisis since May when my 16 year old sister discovered cut marks on the 14 year old sister (while they were wrestling with each other - they fight non-stop). I tried to take the place of a responsible parent, but I couldn't do it. I was losing sleep, losing work, losing my sanity trying to be the person they can count on when no one else was acting or reacting appropriately. I know I did some good because my sisters and I forged a closer bond than we have ever had, and the 14 year old is getting professional help. But I know that deep pit of sadness doesn't just go away - ever. Professional help and pills will keep you standing, but having a happy, functional, fulfilling life after so much of you has been grown in an adverse environment is an uphill battle. I'm there for them as much as I can be, but I've definitely had to set boundaries with our father (who'd be only too happy to turn over full-time parenting to me so he can go play). 

As if that didn't having me tearing out my hair enough this Spring, June took a swift downturn after our first wedding anniversary when Husband didn't come home one night. He finally called at 3 in the morning, voice muffled, not really coherent, and asked me to pick him up at the train station. I get there to find him in a pool of blood. He had been mugged and violently beaten and kicked multiple times over a wallet with no cash in it and a cheap watch. Days of hospitals, worry over surgery (that he didn't need, thank God), friends coming over in droves to help keep us up and going (extraordinarily wonderful). June went by in a tearful blur and we were well rid of the whole horrible month by the time July rolled around. 

I think that, more than anything, helped me sort out my boundaries. There's nothing like a real crisis to force you to prioritize. Maybe it's the strength that I found then that helped me to end my bad friendship. I just don't have time for selfish people in my life anymore. That tolerance went right out the window this year. I cleaned out my Facebook friends too.

The wild ride of Big Events continued through the first week of July, when I became a Reverend to marry my same-sex friends in a beautiful coastal elopement. I feel like I got to be a part of California history, and I'm so grateful for that. Sadly, that's also the friend I lost. To make a long story short: I worked so hard to help her make her wedding as special and wonderful as it could be (taking a week off of work, driving them all over for hours, hosting them on my futon, hand-making garlands, getting up at 5am to scout and collect flowers, gifting them a honeymoon suite), and then she had her new wife yell at me for 15 minutes for the stupidest of reasons (I suggested to a mutual friend that she might want to send them a congratulatory card, when I guess the wedding was supposed to be top secret?). I didn't deserve that treatment, and it made me realize that I had been ignoring her self-centeredness for a long time. Marrying them is still one of the best, most incredible moments of my life, but I couldn't keep someone who treats me badly as a friend. Reminds me of the rap song "99 Problems" - I've had 29 problems, but a bitch ain't one.

"The second half of the year will be better spent socializing and creating community. You'll be more interested in meeting new people than promoting your work. Get ready to meet amazing and passionate folks who will remain in your life for years to come." 

I just came back from Boise, Idaho which was so much about my food blog, socializing and creating community that this really rings true. I did meet amazing and passionate folks - one in particular - who I hope will remain in my life for years to come. Whenever you clear a space in your life (like ditching a bad friend), nature abhors a vacuum. Something or someone comes along to fill it. In this case, I've made a new friend in a Mr. Smith, who I can only describe as a louder, more energetic version of myself if I were a 44 year old gay man from Canada. We bounce up and down in our chairs when Billy Idol songs come on, we both reach for the "Everything" bagel at the counter, we're both addicted to good coffee and have the exact same taste in food. It's insta-love - feels like we've known each other for a decade. Husband is a little jealous, but that's only because he hasn't met him yet - they have a lot in common as well. But what strikes me most about Mr. Smith is how generous he is with his time, his knowledge, and his own two hands and feet. He's just plain helpful to everyone, in every way he can be. And that is such a striking contrast to the friend I lost that I can't help but feel that I've upgraded. 

I firmly believe that all the weird sh*t that's happened this year was thrown at us for a reason, like we're gaining karmic points to spend on something really great. I'm hoping for one thing in particular: moving to San Diego. I want it. I want it bad. Husband has a chance at a job down there right now and I am praying that we get good news today. Come on Ganesh! Remove some obstacles! This writer needs her own home office! 

And, my horoscope:

There may be some kind of conflict in your life arising from a great urge to do something different. (Yeah, like move to San Diego).
The year ahead promises to be a busy, dynamic, and significant period in your life.Neptune's challenging transit to your Sun is winding down and finally passes in February - an influence that has been with you for some time and that may have at times confused you as to what direction your life should take. As this transit lifts, life tends to become considerably clearer. (Good, because part of me wants to fire my writing clients and paint landscapes for a living).
The Sun conjunct Mercury in your Solar Return chart suggests that you have a lot to do this year. At times, you may feel like the pace of your life is running ahead of you. (!!!) You can be especially productive, however, in all types of communications--writing, speaking, learning, teaching, and so forth. There can be a lot of change happening during this period of your life, but generally on a small scale.
This year, you can feel that your spiritual and material goals harmonize or at least don't get in each other's way. Circumstances and your own attitudes facilitate following through on your dreams or turning your visions and ideals into reality. Combining imagination and effort is successful now. There can be a sense that your dreams are realizable, and you can build stronger faith and acceptance. There may be some tension over your personal finances, and/or need to make a large payment that necessitates changes in your spending habits. Finances may be complicated. Some of you could experience power struggles with money. (Let's hope this means a new house).

But my other aspiration for this year (now that I've nailed the making-friends challenge - yay!) is gaining strength and losing weight. All the chaos this year has made it really hard to eat less, exercise more. So, August 29th is when a year of taking care of myself starts. And if anything gets in the way of that, I've learned how to set boundaries to protect myself. 

I refuse to be 30 and fluffy.